I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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