mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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