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One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
