I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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