I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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