I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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