How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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