Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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