i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
from now on my penis is your penis
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
