So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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