plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
