the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
