i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
