Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
