dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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