Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
