who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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