She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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