Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
