My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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