Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
