Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
