My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
