now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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