Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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