i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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