She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
