i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
