David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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