I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I am morally bankrupt
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
