I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
