Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
