White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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