So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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