So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
