puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
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Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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