I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
