ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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