i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
