We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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