God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize