Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
