Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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