i can't believe i had my finger in that
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
