I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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