WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
