she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
