I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
