i was born a porn star she said
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
