you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
