I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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