he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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