He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
