hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
