We won't sleep together?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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