If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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