woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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