my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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