mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
