dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
