After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
