This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
