i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
