here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
