I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
