dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
