Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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