Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
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No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
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