You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
