That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
