There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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