Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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