I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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