if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
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Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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