so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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