it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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