yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
How's work?
Spinning.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
