Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
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